Shortly after my husband, Steve, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in the mid-1990s, I received a card from a friend. She expressed support for our family, then added: “I won’t share details about what happened to Steve.”
My friend, a nurse, meant well, but her message reinforced my own misunderstanding about mental illness, that it was something to be ashamed of, a weakness in one’s character. I don’t fault my friend for what she wrote. She sent this before widespread use of the Internet or TV ads telling us about the symptoms of mental illness. I also struggled to accept that the changes in Steve’s thinking and behavior were the result of an illness. The very idea—that we may not always be in full control of our thoughts and actions—went against everything I understood.
Steve spent a month at a psychiatric hospital following his breakdown. While he was there I visited my local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) chapter to get information about bipolar disorder. The visit set me on a path of learning as much as I could about this complex and confusing illness.
A year after his hospitalization, when Steve still wasn’t doing well despite taking the medications his psychiatrist prescribed, I attended Family-to-Family, NAMI’s 12-week program for people living with someone else’s mental illness. It was taught by trained family members whose experiences were similar to what I was going through. It wasn’t a support group, where people shared their everyday challenges with one another, but an educational program that included presentations, interactive exercises, and discussions.
Here’s an explanation of it from NAMI’s website: “Family-to-Family is a designated, evidenced-based program. Research shows that the program significantly improves the coping and problem-solving abilities of the people closest to an individual living with a mental health condition.”
If you’re struggling with someone else’s mental illness, check out this website. My participation in Family-to-Family was a very important step in understanding Steve’s illness, and in helping him and our children cope with it.
